One of those days.

 Today has been one of those days, where I just want to sleep and lounge around. Only problem is, these dreams. Especially last nights. I feel like I have figured out the sign they are trying to tell me for this most part. Which was getting off my ass and starting my blog. But last night... The things that happened. The words that were said. Have left me sitting here so baffled.  Asking myself why? Why last night of all nights did that happen? Why were those particular words said ? Why did they show up at this particular time all concerned? Why? 

Is it trying to tell me to face my fears? I faced one, maybe its hinting to face the biggest one.? The one I am shoving down the deepest it will go.... Just finally calling. No bull shit. Just asking.... For the one answer I have always asked myself.. Why can't you just say,,,, I don't want you anymore. That's the one thing I have never understood.. I've asked once. I got the I never not wanted you.. 

So is what was said all those years ago true? "That no matter what , or however far I push you away remember I still love you."  Because after all these years I still hope and wonder if you still do.

©A Rickards March 21, 2021